


i see you in the dark

by Someonewhosfunny



Series: Being me can only mean feeling scared to breathe [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28033779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Someonewhosfunny/pseuds/Someonewhosfunny
Summary: Riko is dead, and Neil is tired of Kevin drinking like he wants to be next.Or, Neil asks Andrew why Kevin started drinking in the first place.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Being me can only mean feeling scared to breathe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053416
Kudos: 31





	i see you in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place directly after Chapter 4 of "Being me can only mean feeling scared to breathe" 
> 
> Title from "I See You" by Missio.

Neil was seething. He was so angry with Kevin that he’d nearly punched him downstairs. Not just angry. Livid. Neil was pacing back and forth on the roof like he wanted to wear holes in his shoes. He knew he would never be able to understand Kevin’s grief, but he hoped at the very least he would be able to tolerate it. Unsurprisingly, Neil had been wrong. He’d never been one to hold his tongue.

It wasn’t meant to be an ambush. Aaron had found another empty bottle of vodka under Kevin’s bed today, and the situation had spiraled. It was the fourth empty bottle they’d found this week, and Neil could only watch for so long as Kevin self-destructed in front of their eyes. When he’d walked into the dorm tonight with glazed-over eyes and fresh alcohol on his breath, Neil had absolutely lost it. He’d chucked the glass bottle at the door before he could stop himself. Riko was dead, and Neil desperately needed Kevin to stop acting like he was the one in the casket.

“I will throw you off the roof if you do not sit down.”

Neil froze, snapping his head towards the sound. In an almost comical juxtaposition to Neil, Andrew was sitting against the brick wall, smoking in that purposefully unbothered way of his. His face was betraying none of the emotions Neil was currently wrestling with, but Neil knew he was feeling them all the same. Kevin’s behavior was worrying Andrew just as much as it was worrying Neil. They just had different ways of showing it.

“What are we going to do about Kevin?” Neil demanded.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Andrew feigned.

“Drew.”

“Josten.”

Neil huffed. His whole body itched with the desire to run, but he forced himself across the room to where Andrew was sitting. Neil clenched and unclenched his hands to relieve some of his pent up tension and sat down, willing himself to calm down.

"You got Aaron and Matt clean,” he pressed. “Why is Kevin different?"

Neil tried to control his fidgeting as he waited for Andrew’s reply.

"Kevin needs to learn to stand on his own," he dismissed, raising his cigarette to his lips for another deep drag.

"He didn't drink in the Nest," Neil reminded unnecessary, trying for a different approach to this conversation.

"He did not."

The sun was sitting low on the horizon, and the hazy glow cast Andrew's face in shadow. His sharp jaw wasn’t clenched, but the slight strain in his neck gave away the worry he was burying.

"Why did you let him start?"

“You seem to be under the misguided impression that I have a say in what Kevin _does_ or _does not_ do.”

Neil raised his eyebrows, but Andrew purposely ignored him, gaze fixed on the distant buildings littering the skyline. Neil continued to stare at his profile, watching the way his cheeks hollowed as he sucked in smoke. Andrew’s high cheekbones were smooth and unmarked– so different than Neil’s own marred features. Minutes passes in silence as the cigarette burned to the filter and ash rained down onto the leg of Andrew's dark jeans.

"You did not know him when he first arrived," Andrew continued, unexpectedly.

"I did not."

Andrew regard Neil briefly, as if weighing how likely it was that Neil would let this topic go. Apparently seeing no weakness in Neil’s resolve, Andrew spoke. His voice was quiet, but still devoid of inflection. Giving nothing away, although Neil knew better.

"He had been crying that day.” Andrew didn’t need to clarify which day for Neil to understand. “When we got back to Palmetto, Wymack finally woke him up. He was disoriented. His face was puffy, cheeks still tear stained. No one else had seen him before – not in person. Except me. I could see him shaking from the back of the bus.”

"Sounds like Kevin."

Neil could picture it, having seen Kevin in a similar state too many times in the past few months. Bloodshot eyes, gasping breaths, and shaky words – full of panic then apology. Neil wanted to be done picking Kevin up off the bathroom floor with vomit on his chin and tears caught in his eyelashes.

“I showed up at Wymack’s that night wanting answers. A raven with a broken wing. And so far from home. It was suspicious. I thought…” Andrew trailed off uncharacteristically. “All Wymack said was that there had been an accident.”

“And you didn’t believe him.”

“Obviously,” Andrew scoffed. “But he had nothing else to offer me.”

“What did you do?”

Andrew glared Neil, exasperated with the frequent interruptions. Neil shot him a toothy grin. With an eye roll, Andrew continued.

“I waited. I sat in the kitchen smoking until I heard him. It was soft at first – his voice. Just mumbling that I couldn’t understand. I followed the sound into the living room and saw that he was still sleeping. But barely. His voice was getting louder, and I could make out the words clearly even though his voice was hoarse.” Andrew clenched his fists, voice going toneless. “He was begging. _Stop. Riko. Stop. Please. I’m sorry._ ”

“Andrew,” Neil said softly, understanding.

“I needed him to stop, so I walked over to wake him up. Before I could, he must have gotten startled. His eyes flew open, and he was looking right at me. His chest was heaving and he was whimpering, but I couldn’t look away from his eyes.”

Neil held his breath, afraid that if he moved even an inch, Andrew would stop.

“They were wild,” he explained. “Too open. Too green. And terrified.” Andrew paused, remembering. Neil didn’t want to know how often Andrew saw those eyes staring back at him. “Haunted.”

"You realized he'd been abused," Neil guessed. He got no response.

Andrew rummaged through his pocket, retrieving his lighter and a small cardboard box. He took his time lighting up while Neil waited, picking at a loose string on his hoodie.

"He asked me if he could stay. I wasn’t letting him go back there. Not to the Nest. Not to anywhere Riko was. But if he stayed, I couldn’t see that look in his eyes. Not again.”

"So, vodka."

"So, vodka,” he repeated.

"And now?" Neil asked.

Andrew didn’t have an answer to that.


End file.
